Disappearing Filter Phenomenon
by DarkDreamer56
Summary: NS Friendship After a night of drinking with the guys, Sara can't seem to keep her mouth shut. A bit angsty, but overall a friendship piece between Sara and the guys.


Title: Disappearing Filter Phenomenon  
Author: DarkDreamer56  
Archive: If you want it, ask please!  
Rating: T  
Pairing: N/S friendship, with Warrick and Greg thrown in too  
Disclaimer: I think we all know by now that I don't own them, but the possibilities if I did…  
Spoilers: Let's just assume that pretty much anything I write will have spoilers up to "Grave Danger"…

A/N: I've been torturing Nick since the season finale, but I took a break for a little bit of Sara angst; it's been awhile, and my muse got antsy. They might seem a little out of character, but alcohol can do that. And I am far too well acquainted with the 'disappearing filter' phenomenon between brain and mouth when large quantities of alcohol are consumed. I planned on posting this quite awhile ago, but I hit a block about halfway through, and it's taken me forever to get this fic back on track. I hope you enjoy! And this fic is dedicated to Julie, b/c she provides us with some much Snickery goodness. You rock!

Sahariah: Thanks for you nice review on _Bless the Broken Road_! It's very sweet!

Claire: You rock chica. In fact, I've got a fic in the works that I think will be up to your standards

And thanks to everyone who has been reading and reviewing my stories. It means so much to me!

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It was a night to get completely drunk, Nick had declared. Whether or not they wanted to join him was their decision, but the door would be open, and the fridge would be stocked. The only thing he asked was that if they took him up on the offer, that they surrender their car keys and spend the night. It had been one hell of a summer for all of them, but especially for Nick, and he thought they all could use a night of drunken fun. 

Sara had thought long and hard about the offer. While she knew that drinking wasn't her real problem, but rather an outward expression of the turmoil going on inside of her, she hadn't really had anything to drink since her near DUI, save a glass of champagne when Greg became a CSI Level-1. She wasn't sure how wise it was to try and drown all of their sorrows in one drunken night, but in the end, she figured what harm could one night do, as long as none of them got behind the wheel. Well that, and they all kept their clothes on.

So Sara found herself balancing a pizza and a six pack as she opened Nick's front door. She could hear several loud voices and the ball game blasting from the living room.

"Sara!" Nick exclaimed, jumping up to greet her when she entered the living room. Warrick and Greg mumbled their own greetings through mouthfuls of sub sandwiches. As Nick wrapped an arm around her shoulder and took the pizza, Sara noticed that his face had taken on a redder than usual hue, and his arm held her a little bit closer than normal. He had definitely gotten a head start, she thought with a wry smile.

"Glad you decided to come tonight. There's food on the counter, I got some veggies and dip, just for you. And there's beer in the fridge…oh, looks like you brought your own."

Nick led her into the kitchen, putting the pizza down and grabbing a plate, piling it high with food. Nick was a very hospitable drunk. Sara pulled a bottle out of her six pack before putting the rest in the fridge and following Nick back into the living room. She settled herself between Warrick and Nick on the couch before Nick handed her the plate. As she ate, she noticed several empty beer bottles on the table, and the boisterous banter between the three guys. Yeah, they definitely had a big head start.

Two hours later, Sara was well on her way to catching up. Maybe it was her smaller frame, or maybe it was the fact that she hadn't had anything to drink in quite awhile, but the result was her giggling as Greg danced around Nick's living room, complete with a white ten-gallon cowboy hat from the recesses of Nick's closet, while mumbling along with some country song about alcohol. She was leaning against Warrick, as she was finding it troublesome to sit upright on her own.

"Come on guys, am I done yet?" Greg whined, breaking off from the song that he didn't really know the words to.

"You should have thought about this when you took the bet, man," Nick replied, chuckling at the sight.

"Maybe we should let him stop Nick. I think its killing our girl here to watch," Warrick intervened, pointing out Sara's fit of giggles.

Nick contemplated the situation for a moment, and finally relented. "Fine. But maybe you'll think twice about insulting the Rangers again."

Sara wiped at her eyes, confused by the guy's obsession with baseball, but pleased with the amusement it provided. "You should just be happy that Nick is from Texas. He could have been from Wisconsin, and then you would have had to dance around in a cheese head."

This comment garnered Sara three very quizzical, but amused looks.

"Think we should cut her off?" Warrick asked with a grin.

"Let's see." Greg grinned. "Hey Sar, ready to take your shirt off yet?"

"Screw you Greg," she mumbled into Warrick's side.

"I think the lady needs another one," Greg concluded.

"Everyone's clothes stay on. We made that a rule…hey, I was comfortable!" Sara exclaimed as Warrick stood up after gently pushing her off of him and towards Nick. She landed against his side.

"Well, now you can be comfortable draped across Nick for awhile," Warrick shot back with a smile. "You know, I never figured you for a cuddly drunk. Another round for everyone?"

"And we amended that rule the last time you went to the bathroom," Nick added, throwing his arm around her. "We decided it was okay if you got naked."

Sara just rolled her eyes as she jabbed him in the ribs, trying to get more comfortable. "Let me tell you, it's been a long time since anyone's seen me naked, and no way are the three of you going to be next."

If Sara had been thinking rationally, she really wouldn't have been able to blame Greg for his next question; she had left herself wide open.

"So…exactly how long?"

"S'cuse me?" Beside her, Sara could feel Nick's chest reverberating with laughter, and there was no way she could have missed Warrick's guffaw as he returned from the kitchen, four bottles in hand. Clearly, Greg didn't realize he was taking his life into his hands, because a cheeky grin spread across his face. If Sara hadn't been so comfortable snuggled up against Nick, she would have gotten up and given Greg a reason to run for his life.

"Seriously, when's the last time you…" Greg paused to choose his words, "participated in a little horizontal mambo?"

"None of you damn business," she spit out.

"That long, huh?" Warrick and Nick were practically rolling with laughter as Warrick handed out the bottles and settled himself back on the couch. Greg continued on, oblivious to the death glares Sara was shooting him. "Well, you know that can be remedied pretty quick. But seriously, how long's it been?" Sara felt Nick's arm tighten around her, letting her know that he wasn't going to let her kill Greg just yet.

"Never in a million years, Greggo," Nick replied matter of factly, "and especially not anywhere near my house."

"What about you? When's the last time you had sex, Greg?" Sara was not going to let this go now that Greg had started it.

"Hey, I'm not the one who brought up my lack of sex life. I'm doing just fine."

"Come on Greg, how long?" Sara asked, narrowing her eyes. Greg caught on to the look.

"Fine, it's been two weeks…hey, you turned that around on me…not fair. Now you have to answer."

"Gotta watch Sar there, Greggo," Warrick teased, "she's a hell of a lot quicker than you."

Greg smirked. "What about you there, War?"

Warrick turned to her with a laugh. "Oh, we're going to play that game now, huh? Fine…last night, but I won't tell you who. Nick?"

"Hey now, how'd I get dragged into this?" Three pairs of eyes stared back at him. Nick's gaze leveled on Sara. "You realize if I answer, that means you have to, right? I'll admit…it's been a couple months. And now you, Ms. Sidle…"

Sara let out a dejected sigh before she answered. "Hank."

Greg's jaw dropped. Warrick exclaimed, "That was two years ago!" at the same time Nick incredulously asked, "You slept with Hank?"

Sara took a sip of the beer that Warrick had handed her moments before, suddenly feeling very depressed. Watching Greg dance around, though it would have been better with the cheese head, was fun. Realizing that the last guy she had sex with was Hank Peddigrew was not.

"He was a jerk Sar. You deserve so much better," Nick declared after he had recovered from his astonishment.

"Apparently not," she mumbled, suddenly very interested in the label of her Budweiser.

"Come on, tonight's supposed to be fun. No thinking about that jerk," Warrick chided gently. When Sara didn't respond, he added, "Would it help if Nick and I go and kick his ass? A little after the fact, but I'm game if Nick is."

Sara couldn't help the smile tugging at her lips. "We said no driving tonight…but thanks."

"Anytime," he replied with a grin, taking another swig of his beer.

Still, Sara couldn't quite shake the funk she had descended into. She became so lost in her own negative thoughts that she was oblivious to the conversation going on around her. She vaguely heard Nick ask Greg how he was liking fieldwork, but soon she was too busy picking at the label of her Budweiser and dissecting all of the bad relationships she had ever been involved in; with a sigh, she realized that that description fit almost every relationship she had had. In fact, it wasn't until she felt Nick nudge her gently, and she looked up to find three pairs of eyes staring back at her, that she realized they had decided to include her in the conversation.

"Huh?" she asked, a bit dazed.

"Okay, maybe now we really should cut her off…" Warrick replied, grabbing the bottle out of her hand and placing it on the coffee table.

"I'm fine…I just wasn't paying attention," she snapped, a little more harshly than she intended. Still, she made no move to reclaim the bottle.

Nick rubbed her shoulder, trying to diffuse the situation. "Greg just asked you why you became a criminalist. Apparently you were too preoccupied to pay attention," he teased.

"So Sar, what exactly seduced you into a life of forensics?" Greg repeated, settling lower into Nick's armchair and looking quite sleepy.

Perhaps it was the alcohol, or maybe it was the dark turn her thoughts had taken, but whatever the reason, Sara's answer shot out of her mouth before she had time to think about it.

"I thought it would be nice to investigate a crime scene, instead of live in the middle of it for twelve years."

The only sound in the room was the sharp intake of breath as Sara realized she'd uttered those words aloud. Greg's eyes widened again before he searched the room, looking for anything to look at but her. Nick's hand stilled on her shoulder, and if she dared herself to look to her right, she was sure she'd see Warrick staring at her with a concerned expression. The only thing keeping her from bolting at that moment was Nick's arm wrapped firmly around her shoulder, effectively holding her in place. She began to twist her hands nervously in her lap, trying to think of the fastest and least painful way of getting out of this situation. She knew all three men well enough to know that they wouldn't let her comment sit as it was; they would want details, they would want to comfort her in a way she wasn't sure she was ready to accept.

"My dad…he wasn't the nicest guy in the world." Sara laughed nervously at her understatement, as she felt their concerned stares penetrate her defenses. "By the time I was twelve, my mom decided she had had enough of it…she, uh…she stabbed him to death," she explained softly. She quickly added, "I'm sorry," before she bolted off of the couch and headed quickly for the back of the house, stumbling a little along the way.

The back door slammed behind her loudly as she sunk down onto the top step of Nick's back porch, trying to catch her breath. It felt good to get fresh air into her lungs, and she inhaled deeply as tears streamed down her face.

Driving home was out of the question, and judging from the effort it took to walk to the back of the house without bumping into things, walking seemed out of the question too. She could call a cab, if only she had her cell phone, not to mention her shoes; there was no way she was going back in there to retrieve her stuff. So that left her with only one option; she was going to have to sit on the porch until they had all passed out and she could safely return to the house and claim a chair to sleep on for the rest of the night. She knew that they would all sleep late the next day, so she could probably sneak out before Nick, Greg, or Warrick woke up. She leaned her head against the wooden rail, praying that it didn't take them too long to pass out.

The door creaking behind her signaled that at least one of the guys was coming out to check on her. She braced herself, trying to muster the most neutral expression on her face that she could manage; it would have been a lot more effective if she had been able to stop the tears streaming down her face.

"I just need a minute, okay?" she whispered to the person behind her.

"Now, what kind of host would I be, to just leave one of my guests crying on my back porch? Not to mention what kind of friend it makes me," Nick replied quietly, settling next to her on the step.

"It's okay Nick, you don't have to…I don't want to talk about it anymore."

Nick sighed loudly, reaching over to grasp her hand. "You value your privacy Sar, I know that…but we're your friends, you don't have to worry…"

"Nick, you don't understand," she cut him off in frustration.

"Sara, you're talking to the man whose friends watched him nearly suffocate in a box over a live feed. That's about as close to invasion of privacy as you can get…"

"Nick, I'm sorry," she whispered, her tears beginning to fall faster. She knew that the live feed had been a sore spot ever since Nick had found out about it.

He squeezed her hand gently. "Sar, it's okay, I'm just trying to say, that I do understand. Maybe not all of it, but I get that stuff like this is hard to share, to talk about, even with people that you know care about you. I'm just asking you to give me a chance…some things aren't meant to be kept inside."

Sara turned her tear soaked fact towards Nick, eyeing him warily. His eyes were no longer clouded with alcohol; it appeared that her little outburst had most likely sobered him up. He was gazing back at her with a concerned expression while his thumb rubbed slow, comforting circles over her knuckles; Sara knew that he would wait for her cue before he said anything else. Sara also knew that she trusted Nick; and he, off all of her friends, would understand the most if she tried to explain it.

"It was like existing in this nightmare, for years. Just waiting for the next bad thing to happen," she started quietly, grasping onto Nick's hand for dear life. "My brother…he used to tell me stories about picnics and trips to the zoo, things I was too little to remember. When things were good. Most of that had stopped by the time I was three. It wasn't even like living…we were all so afraid to do anything that might set him off, it was about standing still, making as little noise as possible…"

Sara broke off for a moment as she tried desperately not to lose it. She averted her eyes to the side of the house, briefly catching Nick's eye; she was surprised to see his own tears dangerously close to the surface. She took a couple of deep breaths until she felt like she could continue.

"Not everything was bad…I spent a lot of the time at the library, reading and trying to stay out of the way. And there was this stray cat, an orange tabby, that roamed the neighborhood. I named her Sunbeam and fed her scraps and stuff."

Nick chuckled softly. "Sunbeam?"

A small smile tugged at Sara's lips. "Yeah, I was surrounded by hippies."

"Don't tell me you're real name is something like Meadow or Moonbeam…"

"Nope, it's Sara…but my middle name is Sunshine," she admitted with a wry grin.

"Always pegged you for a Sunshine." There was Nick's smile again, as he squeezed her hand again.

"But yeah, I used to spend a lot of the time playing with Sunbeam. She'd roll around in the grass and pounce on the flowers. I would have smuggled her into my room if I hadn't been afraid of what he'd do if he found out…" Sara's expression became somber again. "By then he wasn't working, so he was home a lot more, drinking a lot more. And eventually, I'd have to go in for the night…"

"Did he hit you?" Nick asked gently, but Sara didn't miss the catch in his voice.

It occurred to Sara that there weren't adequate words to express all the different ways she'd learned that one human being could harm another, and all before her twelfth birthday.

So she replied simply, "Among other things," and became very interested in their entwined hands. She'd never realized how big Nick's hands really were; hers seemed lost in his large palm. His tanned, calloused fingers stood out in stark contrast to her paler, thinner fingers. Still, they seemed to compliment each other, and she couldn't help but notice how perfectly they seemed to fit together; but that was a thought for another time, when they weren't in such an emotionally charged atmosphere, when they hadn't nearly drunk themselves into oblivion.

"Your mom…she didn't do anything to stop it?" Sara knew that Nick was just trying to understand the situation she had been in, but she couldn't help but hear the thinly veiled anger in his voice, though she knew it wasn't directed at her. Finding it easier to talk about someone else, she was able to look him in the eyes with a sad shrug.

"They got married really young…too young I think, and then my brother came along…I think everything started happening at once, and then once she was in the situation, she didn't know what to do. She couldn't get herself out, much less two young kids. So she just kind of closed in on herself…I think she thought that if she could just stop feeling, then it would be okay. But she did it for so long, that she just exploded one day…"

Nick sighed and disentangled their fingers. Sara was disappointed at the loss of contact, until she felt his arm snake around her shoulder and pull her close to him. She rested her head against his shoulder as he took her hand with his free one again. This felt different than the time she had told Grissom about her family; she couldn't pinpoint it exactly, but she thought it had something to do with the amount of comfort Nick was able to offer her, he was more compassionate and giving than anyone she had ever met.

"You are such a strong person Sara, to have gone through all of that, and honestly, I don't know if I could have been that forgiving…"

"Oh, I understood, my mother's part in it anyway, but that doesn't mean I wasn't angry. I was, for a long time…and sometimes, it still comes back. I, uh, I haven't been able to go back and visit her since I moved here. It was like leaving California, it was a new start, and I've been terrified to go back," she admitted, sniffling a little as Nick ran his strong hand up and down her shoulder. "And I don't believe that Nick, you are one of the most forgiving people I've ever met."

"Sometimes, stuff like that is easier when you're not alone." Sara knew what Nick was offering, and suddenly she was furious at herself for the scene she had caused. Six weeks ago, they had rescued Nick from a Plexiglass coffin full of fire ants, and now she was sitting, drunk, on his back porch, crying over her crappy childhood.

She stiffened in his arms and pulled her hand away, trying to stem the tears falling from her eyes. He sensed her change in demeanor, but instead of letting go, he pulled her closer.

"Sara, what's wrong?"

"I can't ask you to do this Nick…It's too soon, you really don't need to be bothered by all of my problems."

Nick let out a frustrated stream of air. "Sara, what I need is for everyone to stop treating me like I'm going to break. Yeah, those first few weeks were rough, and it's not over…but I'm alive, and I've got you guys. That's all I can ask for right now, okay?" His tone softened as he caught her wide eyes. "And you didn't ask me to do anything, I offered. One thing that came out of this…I realized how important everyone is to me…how important _you_ are to me. I wasn't there for you a lot this past year, and I can't change that, but I can be there for you now."

The sincerity in Nick's eyes caused a new flood of tears to stream down Sara's cheeks, and she buried her face in his side to muffle a sob as she realized, not for the first time, how glad she was that Nick was alive. He wrapped both arms around her, murmuring into her hair as she felt his own tears hit the top of her head.

Several minutes later, she pulled back after regaining some semblance of control, and was greeted by a soft smile on his face.

"What do you say we get some sleep?" he asked, "Well, we should get some water into you, and them some sleep."

Sara nodded, trying to disentangle herself from him and stand up. She pulled Nick up after her and allowed him to open the door for them. Concerned gazes from Warrick and Greg met them in the living room, but Nick silenced them with a look as he led her back to his room. When the reached the door, he propelled her into the room.

"I'll get you some water, there's a t-shirt and some boxers on top of my clean laundry pile in the basket over there," he whispered. "You're taking my bed tonight."

"But…"

"No arguments."

Sara harrumphed as Nick closed the door behind him, allowing Sara to change in privacy. By the time he returned, she had changed and slipped underneath the covers. He sat on the edge of the bed, watching over her as she slowly drained the rather large glass he had poured. Nick leaned down to plant a kiss of her forehead before grabbing a pillow and heading for the door.

"Nick?" she called softly, hoping he could hear her across the room.

"Yeah Sar?"

"Would you…I mean…would you stay with me for a little while?" The thought of being alone wasn't exactly appealing to her right now.

He turned around, a grin tugging at his lips. "You don't think Greg will get the wrong idea?" But he threw the pillow back on the bed.

"With the amount he drank tonight, I doubt he'll remember where he slept, let alone where anyone else did."

Nick chuckled as he quickly stripped down to his boxers and threw on a clean t-shirt before crawling in next to Sara. He reached across the bed to pull her next to him, and began to softly tell her about the beagle he and his older sister Megan had convinced his parents to get them, until her breathing evened out and she was asleep.

FIN.

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A/N: I'm toying with writing a second chapter/sequel, but I'm not sure yet. Thanks for reading, and please review!

And sadly, the cheesehead dance is based off of something that has actually happened...


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